The following questions
were set in last year's GCSE examination in Swindon, Wiltshire (U.K.)
These are genuine
answers (from 16 year olds)
Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt,
pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q.
Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to
drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it
removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists
Q. How is dew
formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them
perspire
Q. What causes the
tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth
and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no
water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the
fight
Q. What guarantees may a
mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they
will insist that you are well endowed
Q. In a democratic society, how important are
elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male
gets an election
Q. What are
steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot yourself now , there is little
hope)
Q. What
happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your
bowels and you get intercontinental
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches
puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to
his adultery (So
true)
Q Name a
major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature
death
Q. What is artificial
insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of
the cow
Q. How can you delay
milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant)
Q. How are the main 20 parts of the
body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted
into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium
contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal
cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and U (What the *!!*???)
Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small
lie
Q. What does 'varicose'
mean?
A. Nearby
Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium (That would
work)
Q. Give
the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean
section is a district in Rome
Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman
Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I
saw, I had a fit)
Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When
you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)
Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic
feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they
look like umbrellas
Q. Use the
word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its
meaning
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. (OMG)
Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A.
Benign is what you will be after you be eight
Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an
Arab or Shreik wears on his head
Found at
http://your-joking.atspace.co.uk/