Cucumber and Pickle
A cucumber and a pickle were having a conversation. The pickle said to the cucumber, "I got it bad man evertime I get big, fat, and juicy I get seasoned and put in a jar."
The cucumber said to the pickle, "Well everytime I get big, fat, and juicy I get chopped up and put over salad."
The penis is walking by and overhears them and says, "I got it worse than you both. When I get big, fat, and juicy I get put in a dark, smelly room and they make me do pushups so many times that I throw up."