1) My name is: _______________________________________.

2) The gender I claim to be is:

3) My real gender is:
(T)hree-Mile Island

4) The age group I fall into is:
(A) 40 and older
(B) 30-39
(C) 21-29
(D) 15-20
(E) I wanna be a Power Ranger

5) In the past year, I have had:
(A) 1-5 dates
(B) 6-10 dates
(C) 11-15 dates
(D) More than 16 dates
(E) I rape sheep

6) I have the proper height/weight for:
(A) the average human of my age and gender
(B) Gorgo, the four-head Dragon
(C) a washer and dryer set
(D) Ireland
(E) My gelatenous mass cannot be measured at any given moment for I am an ever shifting entity

7) The reason I stayed at home last Friday night was:
(A) the last time I got into a car, all four wheels popped
(B) strict upbringing makes me morally superior
(C) the voices won't let me
(D) it was a bad idea to drown Marge

8) On a date, I prefer to take my comanion/be taken to:
(A) a romantic, candlelit cafe
(B) International House of Pancakes
(C) Bubba's Beer and Bait Shop
(D) The dumpster behind 7-11

9) For entertainment, I like to:
(A) watch movies/plays
(B) watch cock fights
(C) undulate my twelve chins to the theme of "Bewitched"
(D) snap the necks of mammals smaller than me.

10) My idea of the perfect male/female is:
(A) Keanu Reeves/ Winona Rider
(B) Trent Reznor/ Courtney Love
(C) Oral Roberts/ Janet Reno
(D) my fist/ my fingers

11) My hobbies are:
(A) collecting books/stamps/insects
(B) computers
(C) small Hungarian women named Loopy
(D) eating at least ten times my body weight
(E) acne

12) My first words were:
(A) "Mama/Dada"
(B) "Seconds please"
(C) "Yours and the souls of your friends will be mine"
(D) "Touch me ... touch me there"

13) My dream career is:
(A) millionaire playboy/playgirl
(B) garbage collector so I can cash in on all their nifty benefits
(C) anything with barbed wire
(D) street gang moving target
(E) lard wrestler

14) I consider my body to be:
(A) a temple to the gods of desire
(B) average, but could use some work
(C) proof God is farsighted
(D) I am mainland China
(E) Just write "Titanic" on my rear end

15) If I could have one wish, it would be:
(A) peace on earth
(B) piece of William Shatner's ass
(C) four words: Pez, whips, Uma Thurman
(D) a quick and easy cure for genital warts

16) I have encountered problem with law enforcement agencies:
(A) never/seldom
(B) often, and they always insist on body cavity searches
(C) my family portrait is a the post office
(D) I was arrests # 234-289 on "America's Most Wanted"

17) What I would like to accomplish in my life most is:
(A) happiness.
(B) a sixth finger
(C) the ultimate Hellen Keller imitation
(D) working my way into Zsa Zsa Gabor's pants
(E) Riding the highway of all lone shoes.

18) A nickname my friends may give me would be:
(A) Sexy/Ace/Bunny/Sweetie/etc.
(B) Scrotum Thief
(C) Commander Nasal Clit and his Amazing Elbow, Sparky
(D) The Thrustinator
(E) Exxxxxtacy Maggot

19) My favorite thing about the holidays is:
(A) The warm feeling of being with family and friends
(B) food, food, food
(C) It means I'm one year closer to freedom
(D) Grandpa's annual orgy of the Damned

20) My favorite meal is:
(A) a well-balanced healthy dinner
(B) whatever's stuck to the bottom of my chair
(C) Indian boys about 4' tall, 11 years old, 90 pounds
(D) boiled semen with a side order of lovin'

21) My favorite type of literature is:
(A) computer tests like this one
(B) public restroom stalls
(C) anything on the newsgroups alt.bestiality
(D) the magic writing on the back of my foot
(E) the toe tag at the morgue when I'm on my "rounds"

22) My political views are:
(A) Democrat (bleeding heart, egg sucking liberal)
(B) Republican (money grubbing child molestor)
(C) Libertarian (What's the matter? Not enough spine for a real party?)
(D) Rastafarian
(E) Religious Right (Jesus groped pigs, loser!)

23) My religious views are:
(A) Christian (molest anyone recently?)
(B) Eastern Religions (how's the airport lately?!)
(C) Jehovah's Witnesses (get away from my front door!)
(D) Wicca/Pagan (a sheer cry for attention if there ever was)
(E) Agnostic/Atheist (who cares? We're all going to hell!)

24) When I walk by construction sights, the workers (For females or Richard Simmons):
(A) whistle and cat-call
(B) shield their eyes
(C) jump off the high rise to end it quickly and painlessly
(D) throw rocks
(E) man, they can really aim that demolition ball

25) If I were an animal in the zoo, I'd be:
(A) a love bird
(B) an orangatang, crapping in my hands and throwing it
(C) the dead animal that's been rotting for three days
(D) a deformed, blind baby kangaroo

26) My favorite type of music is:
(A) hard rock with no lyric and talentless bands
(B) country music, cuz I'm a good ol' boy and I like to touch my sister's "fun zones"
(C) Tejano music (the soothing rhythms of a blaring accordian)
(D) Groups like "the Cure" because I can pretend I'm a vampire and act so damn dark and depressing when I'm nothing more than a sexually repressed teen who is upset 'cause my father didn't hug me enough to fulfill my bizarre incestuous fantasies
(E) Classy.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

27) The best type of pet is:
(A) dog
(B) cat
(C) anything that can "spread eagle" quick and likes "heavy petting"
(D) Damn you! Damn you! Vulcans need no pets
(E) toasters - don't ask

28) My last relationship was ruined because:
(A) I dropped my pants and he/she laughed
(B) he/she couldn't put up with my habit of ramming my genetalia into a pencil sharpeners and screaming, "Yes Captain, I am the Walrus!"
(C) he/she is scattered across Delaware -- shhh don't tell.
(D) She kept leaving the toilet seat up

29) If my life had a slogan, it would be:
(A) "Get a piece of the rock"
(B) "Ooooooh Yeah"
(C) "Still legal in 32 states"
(D) "Mormon approved"

30) I use my computer most for:
(A) work
(B) play
(C) communications
(E) trapping hapless fools for consumption
(F) trying to discover a user's footsize by handle
(G) a sex slave

31) What issues concern/interest you the most?
(B) racism
(C) foreign policy
(D) cattle mutilations
(E) If the Mystique Sponge have tracked me yet
(F) How I Can get my hands on the Knight of Nee.

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