Here are some one liners for you.

Honey, its one thing to have a tattoo, but a vibrator with a kick start?

Listen sweetheart, I'd like to share a little something with you, well actually its not really that little.

Whenever I think of great sex I think of your dear, whenever we are having sex, I think of someone else.

You are so big, and bad, and beautiful, well one out of three isn't too bad.

Darling you should have been a psychiatrist…. You are always surrounded by nuts.

Other people may call you a cheap slut, at least I call you often.

Baby, the only way you'll ever be tight, is by drinking too much.

What is pink inside and has hair around it? An ear you pervert.

Whenever I think of you, I think of a moonlit beach, because I am still picking sand out of my ass.

It's only your birthday, get a grip on yourself, like you usually do.

Please don't believe all those nasty things you have heard about me, until you've had kinky sex with me.

Thank you so much for last evening, especially the parts I can remember.

Sorry I haven't called lately Sis, they painted the walls in the men's room and I don't have your number.

Sis, growing up I always looked up to you and your friends, especially your friend's skirts.

Not only do you have great taste, but you taste great too.

When they created you they threw away the mold, where do you think toxic waste came from?

No one will ever come between us,.. your legs however are a different story.

Let's be friends, or anything else you might have in mind.

I think you are very attractive,…please don't prove me wrong.

Whenever I think of you, my face gets flushed…and so does my toilet.

Knowing how you are partial to holes with hair around them…..I got you a pair of fur gloves.

Safe sex smells, like burning rubber.

With a dick like yours, you could wear rubber bands for condoms.

What's pink and juicy? A grapefruit you degenerate.

Good vibrations require lots of batteries.

Oh cheer up, at least your pants are down as often as you are.

The best men are not only dirty minded, but filthy rich too.

If good things come in small packages,…just think how bad I must be.

A good man knows how to keep a woman happy, a smart one knows how to keep her in bed.

Some men say my style of sex is priceless, and some just say I charge too much.

Some Valentines Day One Liners:

On Valentine's Day let's get kinky,…so what else is new.

On Valentine's Day wear something red,.. on second thought make that pink.

I was going to send you flowers on Valentine's Day, but you're not dead yet.

It's Valentine's Day, so how about something big and red?

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