REASONS WHY MASTURBATION IS BETTER THAN REAL SEX

* You don't have to look your best.

* You never have to say "I love you", promise to mow the lawn, buy flowers/dinner, lie about the size of your hand's, etc.

* If you use your other hand it feels like someone else.

* You can use both hands and have and orgy.

* You don't have to promise to call in the morning.

* As long as you're careful you'll never end up with the wet spot.

* You can make it last for hours, if you do it a certain way.

* You can do it wherever there is a public toilet which has a private cubical.

* You don't need to make an appointment in advance.

* It doesn't really make you go blind, not unless your hand slides off the end and you poke yourself in the eye.

* It's cheaper...you don't have to use those pesky condoms.