THE TEN COMMANDMENTS OF LOVE

I. I am thy Main Squeeze; thou shalt squeeze no others before me.

II. Thou shalt not take the name of thy Squeeze in vain, nor bad mouth me behind my back.

III. Remember our Anniversary, and keep it holy. Or else!

IV. Honor MY mother and father. THINE are too damn weird.

V. Thou shalt not kill my love by behaving tackily and making me embarrassed to be seen with thee.

VI. Thou shalt not commit adultery, nor shalt thou even THINK about it if thou knowest what's good for thee.

VII. Thou shalt not steal from my purse/wallet while I am in thy bathroom, nor use my credit cards, nor make long-distance calls from my telephone.

VIII. Thou shalt not talk about our personal problems to our friends.

IX. Thou shalt not covet the higher market price of thy neighbor's house.

X. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's squeeze, nor son or daughter, nor stereo, nor BMW.