YOU KNOW YOU'RE A HO WHEN...

- You've slept with Geraldo Rivera.

- You become a Vaseline spokesperson.

- You go through a Sealy Mattress (tm) a week.

- Frederick actually comes to your door himself just to see where 1/2 of his orders go.

- When people say, "Ho, Ho, Ho" and it's July.

- Your baby looks familiar, but like who?

- When they change your # to 976.

- Tetracycline is your best friend.

- McDonald's calls you "The Happy Meal."

- Changing your sheets comes more than once a day.

- When you've got a "Take a Number" machine at your door.

- When getting dressed is not part of your day.

- Your day starts and ends by rolling over.

- When your screams are heard over a fire alarm.

- When you're wearing more latex than spandex.

- When your ceiling mirrors fog.

- When the Marine Corps does recruitment outside your door.

- When you have a neon sign saying, "Open All Night."

- You want to have your name changed to Misty.

- Madonna comes to you for pointers.

- When your favorite quote is, "Next please."

- When Guinness Book starts calling.

- When every song reminds you of someone, but who?

- When he doesn't even have to buy you a drink.

- When you have a room key to every hotel in town.

- When Holiday Inn is coming after you for their linen.

- Motel 6 signals you in with runway lights.

- The only place you haven't had sex is on the moon.

- When soft foods have become distasteful.

- When you and your cat have the same tongue consistency.

- When other women begin to call you, "Man's Best Friend."

- You and Prince have already made 3 records.